This simple phrase always makes me smirk a little, it reminds me of a scene from Downton Abbey with the wonderful Maggie Smith as the dowager Countess, where she whispers quietly to Lady Mary, What is a weekend? Of course as a Carer it has a different connotation to the dowager but it makes me smirk all the same

Weekends are days where you can catchup with friends, catch up on house chores maybe, some retail therapy, time for a walk in nature, something fun. It is seen as downtime time to relax, switch off, self care, family time, doing something that recharges you and makes you happy.

As a carer there is no such thing as a weekend, for me everyday is like groundhog day, up between 6-7am, often following a sleepless night up with Dad or listening for Dad, whimpering so I can administer pain meds or settle him after a nightmare or vivid dream, we have a baby alarm between his bedroom and mine so I am listening all night. Breakfast, drinks, meds, is he ok? do i need to reach out for medical help? sort out what is needed for the morning personal care call and then acting sometimes as the lead in that call or if I am lucky second carer to get Dad washed, after the carer has gone more hydration. The rest of the day is physio, finding things to occupy Dad, food, hydration, chores, admin, meeting his and Mums care needs, Dad needs help with everything and relies on me, before you know it is time for the evening carer to help me reposition and move Dad, I can roll him on my own (he really is a a two person roll but I don’t have that level of support so you get on with it during the day) but i can’t move him up the bed on my own or across the bed as he migrates. Then it is sitting with him until he settles, he doesn’t like the quiet or the dark or being on his own really, so music on, smooth radio thank you!, night light on and tuck him up warm and cosy, give him bunny because bunny watches over him while I am not sat with him.

Eventually climbing into bed and thinking of the list of things you haven’t done, or swearing because you haven’t managed a shower again today, and you are beginning to be offensive even to yourself, and then lying there working out how to fit it in to the following days schedule. beating yourself up over forgetting to message one of the few friends that have stuck by you, because you desperately try to remember that important meeting they are having or what ever event it is because you want to be supportive and there for them too. I try to actively avoid thinking about my needs or future because that is going too far down the rabbit hole to a point of no return, the future is bleak……. he’s whimpering off we go …. is he dreaming, is he in pain, 3:30am climb back into bed sleep evades

Oh there goes the alarm again ….. shower i must shower before anything else then start again